One of the biggest steps you can take in therapy is going to your first session. I say that because if you have never been to therapy before, there are a lot of unknowns about what therapy is. Maybe you’ve spoken to friends or searched on Reddit to figure out how that first session is going to go and are still unsure. It can be stressful and overwhelming when you want to start therapy if you’re not sure what will happen. So, let’s break down what therapy is/isn’t and discuss what happens in those first few sessions and hopefully make the process a lot less mysterious and intimidating!
Your first session is called an intake session. It’s not a typical therapy session because there are some important and light housekeeping pieces to go over. We discuss confidentiality and expectations just to make sure that I, as your therapist, know that you know the scope of confidentiality and what your best hopes are for doing this work together. Then I will ask you a few questions about yourself, your history, and your goals for therapy. From there, we just expand on those key pieces but ultimately you’re in control of what we discuss and what you’d like to work on. That’s pretty much it! Not too scary, right?
“Do I have to talk about my childhood?”
Nope! I know that a lot of people think that therapy focuses on your past. It can and sometimes will, but only if that’s what you want to talk about. If your therapist feels it might help to discuss something from the past, we might gently suggest it, but we still do not have to go there if you’d prefer not to. Our suggestions are only suggestions and not mandatory. Most importantly: there are no repercussions for saying “no.” You will not be treated any differently or judged if our suggestion does not feel right for you.
“What kind of advice will my therapist give me?”
It’s a common misconception that therapists give advice. I think that comes from a lot of media that include or depict therapists answering advice columns or questions on the radio. We might offer suggestions, but for the most part we are trying to help you unearth answers, strengths, and skills that you already have. You know yourself and your story best. We’re your copilot helping you land the plane, not the airplane training manual.
“There is something I feel I should talk to my therapist about, but I am nervous to bring it up.”
That’s okay! In fact, that is completely fine and normal. It is very common for the more serious and heavy subjects to come up several sessions in. In those first few sessions we’re just getting to know one another so it might not feel comfortable talking about some things. Once we get to know each other better, it will naturally feel more safe to open up. It is okay to take your time. We can start with the lighter stuff and get heavier as we go. It is also okay to leave certain subjects off the table for good. You should also know that therapy is a safe space to share. You will not be judged or shamed for anything you open up to your therapist about.
“There are so many things going on with me, I don’t know where to start!”
When we have several different problems happening at once, it can be very confusing and overwhelming to try to figure out what to focus on. Figuring out where to start is something your therapist can help you with. You don’t need to have a game plan before starting therapy. It’s often part of our job to help you come up with one!
“What if I don’t like my therapist?”
Trust your instinct. Don’t ignore the vibes because they are usually right. If you feel like your therapist isn’t someone you’d enjoy talking to, then that is a good sign to find a different therapist – and you should. It is normal to try a few therapists out before finding a good match. A good therapist would want you to be doing this work with someone who is the best fit. We do not take it personally if we don’t vibe well. We practice what is called ‘unconditional positive regard’ which means we want what is best for you whether you are our client or not. Telling your therapist you feel it is not a good fit might be an uncomfortable conversation but just know two things: 1. We want you to thrive even if we are not the right fit for you, and 2. We often can refer you to another therapist or help you find one that might be a better fit!
I hope that demystified some parts of therapy and encouraged you to consider taking that important first step! If you’re in Ontario (or across Canada such as British Columbia and Saskatchewan) and curious to try therapy, you can book with me here.
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